I’ve written tirelessly on here about being the kind of person who tries to be open and honest about things even if they’re uncomfortable, or if it’s difficult, or if it makes others angry. The truth—my truth—coming out has been such a freeing, healing moment in time for me.
What I haven’t been so open about is how much I hold back on certain things. There are still areas in my life that are tender to touch, too hot to handle, and flat-out terrifying. I’m learning to give myself space to acknowledge these things as my truth and not allow them to mean that I am not being my most honest, transparent self in this current moment.
Over the last few years, I’ve drastically changed. This is largely because I’ve unpacked and healed trauma, started going to therapy, committed to living more consciously within my body, started meditating, and started this blog. This blog has cemented my ultimate transformation and made me proud to do so. In committing myself to sharing with all of you, I have committed myself over and over again, to a life lived more freely. A life where I consciously attempt to be slow to anger, slow to combativeness, slow to passive aggression, slow to judgment, and quick to compassion, love, introspection, and transparency.
I’m still learning how to push through discomfort and fear when it comes to talking about things I’d much rather not. An even more difficult effort to juggle is trying to emerge from all things in life without making myself a victim or a martyr—I’ve moved beyond wondering why something is happening to me, and started trying to figure out what I’ve done to get myself in the positions I find myself in.
Sometimes I feel stifled or silenced by my own inability to push myself to share more, talk about more, be more. As I approach my two-year mark of blogging about my healing journey on May 1st, I wanted to sit down and level with those of you who show up regularly to journey with me.
Thank you for holding space for me, being kind to me, and supporting me. Thank you for liking my blog posts or commenting when you have time and telling me how much my posts resonate with you. I am realizing that my blog is very much something that connects with a very small niche audience—which means that this isn’t for everyone—and I’ll never try to make it be so. I am currently in the midst of one of the most difficult periods of my life, and I’ve never once felt alone.
I promise to come back regularly if you do. Happy Two Years!