Being Truly Kind to Myself

            I read somewhere recently that intentional and repeated self-deprecation is a sign of not believing in the power and goodness within you. As someone who mostly downplays my every accomplishment or tries to make it seem like I don’t work extremely hard for the things I have, it hit close to home. 

            If self-deprecation is rooted in a lack of faith in myself, my purpose, and what I have to give to the world, doesn’t that mean that I also distrust myself? Doesn’t that mean I also dislike myself? Doesn’t that mean I set the standard for how I receive praise and how I receive credit for my work? If I take part in all these terrible things, don’t I, in turn, attract that same energy, thus entering a cycle of doing things, not believing in what I am doing or how I am doing it, and then not being praised for what I am doing to my satisfaction? 

            As someone who operates largely in faith—don’t the areas I struggle in also indicate a lack of faith? 

            I deserve to feel validated in my life, relationships, and career. I deserve to have my work be appreciated. I deserve to trust in myself and not be so filled with a doubt so pervasive that it paralyzes me to my core. However, I have a responsibility to stop looking for these qualities within other people. It’s not fair to me or to them, and I’m also realizing that there is not one person on this earth who I trust with the responsibility of making me truly happy.

            What it boils down to is that all of these things are up to me, completely, undeniably, and unshakably. If I want to do good and feel good and be applauded for doing good, I have to be the one who does that for me. I can’t depend on anyone else to validate me or lift me up—especially if I haven’t unpacked the fact that others cannot do for me what I refuse to do for myself—my self-doubt will always drown out any goodness. 

            As with all things healing, it takes time and effort. However, I’m committed to it; because what better time than now, with an increasingly cruel society and world, to take time to be truly kind to myself? 

            The sooner we realize how powerful we are, the sooner we can stop trying to give our power away to others. 


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