To me, the goal of ending relationships that no longer serve me looks like leaving someone without any opportunity to speak about me negatively. It looks like them saying, “We used to be close, and then we fell off.” See? No hard feelings, just an acknowledgment that the connection is no longer there. This is not to say that I want to have a clean break with someone just so I don’t have to go back and forth to see if they are dragging my name through the mud—that’s not in my control, nor is it my calling to move forward with my head turned back toward my past. I’m learning that it’s normal and essential to have situations like this, where I quite simply no longer connect with a person.
Last week, I talked about the fallacy of closure, and that ties into what I feel led to explore today. More specifically, I think that many people who subscribe to the idea of closure believe matching people’s energy is the best way to go out. The more I heal, grow, and mature, the more I realize how backwards and detrimental to my well-being it is to match someone’s energy. To match someone’s energy means you are getting down on their level, lowering your vibration, standards, or whatever you want to call it, just so you can say you beat them at their own game. What do you gain from that besides the arbitrary definition of “winning?” Ask yourself if it’s really winning if you had to act outside yourself to get there?
Leaving people behind means you quite literally just have to do it. It’s okay if it’s completely out of the blue—never feel bad for ghosting toxic people. However, you have a responsibility to make clean breaks that are consistently centered in your own healing process and elevate your journey, not hinder it. You don’t need to wait for the perfect time, the time is now.
This message might seem selfish to people who are not empathetic beings like many of my readers are. That’s okay, it’s time to move. It will come across as self-centered to the narcissist using you as a mirror. That’s okay, move. It can translate as poor communication to people who feel entitled to your time and words. That’s okay, move.
If you consider that life is a process that requires constant movement, then factor in that moments of stillness are still instances where you are moving in the right direction, you’ll see the importance of moving on. You will be granted people who are on your level, willing and ready to assist you with your life’s work and just be there for you on your journey once you stop waiting around and just move.
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