The Fallacy of Closure

            I’ve been skirting around the topic of closure for quite a while now, and after writing about the fallacy of being well-liked, I felt like it was finally time to tackle to fallacy of closure. 

            Around this time last year, I vowed to turn my life around and take back the many years I’d lost to self-doubt, depression, anxiety, and accepting anything less than I deserve. What that meant is that I cut off a lot of people in a short amount of time. I can admit in retrospect that I could have handled this better, but I also don’t regret prioritizing myself and my healing process. 

            I ended up hurting a couple of people I care a lot about, and I remain apologetic to those people to this day. Instead of explaining the space I was operating from, I shut them out and completely absolved myself from the responsibility of being a friend—I’m still doing work to clean up that mess! However, I learned something incredibly important during that time: closure isn’t a thing, no matter how much I tried to make it into one.

            We try to convince ourselves that we need closure to move on, but I realized that I obsessed over closure in order to continue to vacillate over someone I needed to leave behind. I’d told myself I was making a clean break from friendships that no longer served me anymore, but I went back and forth, trying to make sure those people knew I was through with them but wanting to make sure they still liked me (I would eventually learn that being well-liked isn’t a priority I should have).   

            Then, one morning, it was like everything clicked. Closure isn’t something that is owed to me, nor is it something I can be given. Closure should look like me sticking to my word. If I’m truly done with someone, I don’t need to stick around and see if that person is also done with me. I don’t need to make sure that they’re okay, or that they are getting their karma, or that they are grieving the loss of me. I need to keep moving forward, focused on what is ahead of me. 

            Have people hurt me? Yes. Have I hurt people? Definitely. Do I need to make sure the people who hurt me and those I have hurt are living the kind of lives I think they should be living without me? Absolutely not. 


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