As the year progresses, it is becoming more and more difficult for me to write blog posts. Not because I dread posting—I actually love it more than any of you will ever know, it has been a source of healing and complete escapism for me this year— but because I’m tired. Not just your standard day-to-day tiredness, but an I’m-not-content-with-where-I-am tiredness, that is mostly balanced by knowing that I have more excited days coming.
Wednesday, I came across a post in one of my networking groups which inquired whether or not it was normal to be unhappy in your job. It actually shocked me how many people had admitted to being incredibly unhappy in their jobs and careers, but felt like it was a price they had to pay to be able to live their lives—and just barely, at that. Instead of allowing myself fall fully into the typical “capitalism is the reason why we stay unhappy,” (which I did briefly delve into) I took a step back to look at it from a more well-rounded point-of-view. How many of us have committed to not being happy overall so that we may be granted temporary, fleeting pieces of happiness that never quite come together well enough that we may experience true joy?
I am unhappy with how slowly my life seems to be moving along at the moment, from the fact that I am still without a full-time job almost a year post-grad, doing temporary and largely not profitable side-work, to how I cannot afford to do the things I want to do without money, to the simple fact that being a black woman in this world is like screaming my head off all day in Times Square only to ignored. It’s draining, unfulfilling, and frankly, contributes largely to my depression and anxiety over being inadequate or being perceived as lazy. However, in my short-sightedness, I have completely overlooked the fact that the generosity and love from my friends this year has been of a magnitude I’ve never experienced. While I am not working, I am able to do something I dolove, which is my blog. I am writing more now than ever before, and challenging myself to do better with each thing I write.
To break free from the chains of discontentment, we have to commit to doing the things that make us happy. Obviously, people have bills to pay, families to provide for, and a life to live, but I truly feel like focusing on the things that you love will prove to be profitable on such a deep level in your soul that it might even become financially profitable in the future. Allow the thing you love to become your sanctuary, and it will take care of you. Once I took the leap of faith and started this blog, so many blessings came my way.
If you don’t know what you love, commit to finding out. Trust me, a person who hates talking about herself and somehow ended up with a blog where I do just that, finding out what you love might end up being the most amazing surprise.
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