As I’m sure everyone has noticed by now, a lot of shifts and changes are happening at the moment, abruptly forcing us to face issues we’ve ignored, or to completely do away with the old and stand by patiently for the new. Things that we used to think worked for us are working no longer, and that is definitely for the better good, even if it does not seem that way for now.
During times like these, where we find ourselves desperately clinging onto something or someone we sense is departing (despite the fact that if they’re leaving, something much better is coming), instead of sinking our feet into the earth and learning to ground ourselves, we tend to do more than a little bit of bending to our standards.
For example, I am the kind of person who makes it extremely known what I will and will not put up with in general. However, I often find myself on the receiving end of mistreatment or neglect from people I gave more power than I gave myself to decide how my day or life was going to go. I used to be the kind of person who would bend over backwards to protect and defend my friends but would do almost nothing to do the same for myself. Due to depression and a general tendency to prioritize other people’s needs over mine, I often times lost control of my personal life, and let things get to a point where the only choices were to end things or to continue to get hurt.
Many times, I chose the latter.
Learning to validate my feelings instead of waiting for others to validate them for me helped me to realize I am worthy of advocating for myself. Discovering ways to attack the loss of control of a situation and regain balance made me recognize the fact that things always work better for me when they’re balanced and reiterated that sometimes balance isn’t 50/50. Remembering my standards and viewing them from the fresh lens of standards created by someone who is worth advocating for, forced me to stand by my standards.
Boldly, fearlessly, and unashamed.
Sometimes, standing by your standards will look cold. It will look angry. It will look bitter. It will look egocentric. Learning that the way things look is not more important than the inner peace and deep satisfaction I gain from standing by my standards has helped me walk into this more freely, willingly, and determinedly. When we begin to stop allowing external influences and opinions to hold more power in our hearts and minds than that of our own, we will experience true, unshakable, undeniable healing.
Until then, keep working at it. You’re worth advocating for as well.
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