In an attempt to be transparent and consistently say what’s on my mind without fear, I want to state that I am aware that these next few weeks are going to sit wrong with the people who need to hear it most. I say this, not to garnish pity, but, rather, to encourage more of you to speak your truth’s because they are divine.
I had a conversation with a friend yesterday after my blog post about self-serving activism. Hours later, the conversation remained in my mind, and, with it, soon came a feeling of disgust.
How many times had I allowed myself to be silenced by women who were performing self-serving activism? How many times had I shrunk myself because these white women had more money, a bigger platform, more privilege? Why can I say with absolute certainty that I’d shrunk myself to fit in with women who I knew were being performative, looking to take me under their wing in a white liberal rescue mission?
It started in college. “Listen to black women!” white women proudly proclaimed in protests and on social media. “I saw God. She’s black.”. However, these women don’t actually believe this.
When I spoke my truth to them they cowered, assured me they understood me, claimed to respect me, my thoughts, and my feelings, and then went behind my back to whine about how I’d hurt them, how their frailty had reared its ugly head. I know now that they were placating me because their faux proclamations of propping up black women isn’t based in real love or adoration, it’s based in fear.
Black women are angry, loud, aggressive, divisive, hate white women, and go over the top. These are the truefeelings of majority of the women who take up large spaces in activist circles, even though they claim they want to take up as little space as possible.
At first, I was hurt. I realized that some people I’d gotten close to these past few years had only kept me around because they figured it’s better to have me on their team than to have me against them. Now, I’m calling us both out.
I will no longer cower. You will no longer silence me.
I am grateful eternally for the black women and women of color who have helped me through this. I will forever remain your sister.
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