After I posted about learning to love yourself, I had a really long conversation with my friend about abandonment. Abandonment from a parent, a friend, a lover.
My personal feeling is that a lot of us experience abandonment that we do not acknowledge. A lot of us abandon listening to our intuition, we abandon our self-esteem, we abandon our dreams, our desires, and our ambitions. We abandon our right to take up space in this world. We abandon feeling entitled to smile. We abandon the right to hear our own voices the loudest in our heads, not allowing other opinions to infiltrate. We abandon our right to see ourselves through our own eyes, our right to ignore society, the male gaze, and Hypermasculinity. We abandon who we are to try to make someone love us.
So…here’s the thing. What’s the big deal? Why is abandonment from a human being a greater loss than abandoning parts of yourself? To be direct: it’s not.
How doyou love yourself when you’ve been abandoned? How doyou learn to detach your self-worth from said abandonment?
Conditioning yourself to believe that someone else abandoning you is greater than the loss that you experience when you abandon yourself is the issue; not the actual act of being abandoned. Granted, experiencing abandonment from a parent or partner absolutely has a great impact on the way you live your life, especially if said abandonment is paired with abuse, as it often is. However, you have a duty to yourself to try to navigate this precarious situation, and figure out if you want to continue to prioritize other people’s acceptance or abandonment of you over that of your own. No onecan love you or make you feel fulfilled like you can.
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